reeberry asked: Tucker and Caboose give Wash the Blue Army Orientation once they get back to their canyon! Alternatively, he gets so confused by their attempt that he tries to ask for clarification from Grif and Simmons, thinking that Simmons is the smartest one in the canyon and Grif just always seems to be with him.
“Tell me I’m not reading this right.” To Washington’s credit, his voice was almost calm. He prodded the offensive paragrah violently, looking Simmons straight into the visor. “Tell me I’m bleeding out on the snow as polar bears toss me around for fun and this is my last dying nightmare.”
Simmons’ head didn’t move, but Grif could feel the glance his friend threw him; comes with knowing each other too long. Instantly picking up the cue, he folded his arms and stared the shaking freelancer down.
“Sorry, man. Karaoke nights are mandatory. No ifs, no buts.”
“We enclose the recordings with monthly reports”, added Simmons gravely. “Apparently it’s been proven to improve the morale and help the soldiers bond over shared humiliation. Don’t worry, you don’t have to be good at it, just… enthusiastic.” He sighed theatrically.
“Tomorrow’s Kanye night”, added Grif cheerfully.
Washington looked from Grif to Simmons, back to Grif, then back to Simmons and at the book in his hand, then into the abyss, searching desperately for a sign, any sign. The abyss stared back at him, and informed him soberly that yes, he could, in fact, believe that their orders would be that stupid. He dropped back into Valhalla; Grif ad Simmons were looking at him with polite interests, heads tilted, Grif’s hands clasped behind his back.
“It’s not like we like it, too”, assured him one of them, nevermind which one, they were a two-headed monster as far as Wash cared, anyway. “But watcha gonna do, huh?” He nodded, than turned around and walked away, dropping the crushed manual. He was too afraid to read any further.
Mandatory kareoke nights. “The abyss stared back at him, and informed him soberly that yes, he could, in fact, believe that their orders would be that stupid.” Best orientation ever. EVER. Two-headed monster is completely right and this is amazing, thank you!
oh dear god this is fantastic
look can i just put all of you in my pocket and never let go
(Source: queen-of-france)
